here's my heart

Had an echocardiogram this morning (another first) and got this picture before I left. My heart sounded great (yeah - as if I'd know what it's supposed to sound like!) But it was interesting to hear the different sounds as she checked all of the valves. It was quick, easy and painless of course.

A couple of hours later, I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon. She says I am healing very well and is pleased with my arm mobility. I can begin some exercises which should help my right arm (which is a little more stiff due to the nodes being taken) so I'll dig out the book and start on those.

She asked that I not work for the next two weeks ..... saying that lifting &/or carrying 20 pound toddlers would be a little much just yet. That's too bad, because I do miss the girls! But they are having their 1st birthday party on Saturday and at least I can see them then :D

My surgeon says the stitches usually stay in for six weeks, so I will go in in four more weeks to have those removed.

I signed consent to have my port put in, next Tuesday the 6th. It's an outpatient surgery, so I'll be put under, but it's a brief procedure and then I'll go home. I called the oncologist today, to get an estimation of how soon they'd start chemo treatments after that .... but have not received a call back yet. One of the gals there today, guessed it would be just a week or two after the port goes in (saying my doctor usually starts chemo apx. four weeks post surgery).

I hope so ... am ready to get this show on the road! 8-)

Sunday ramblings

Unfortunately I have had some fluid buildup on my right side, since having that last drain removed. Apparently this is normal and I've just been told to "watch it" and let them know if it becomes quite uncomfortable. So far it is not. It may absorb back into my system, or they may need to aspirate it with a needle. Obviously I'm hoping I don't need to go in and have that done! I have a follow-up appointment with my surgeon on Wednesday; so hopefully it won't bother me much (or will even go away?) before then.

I have an appointment on July 6th to have my port put in. Once that site heals, we can start the chemo treatments.

Yesterday I met some girlfriends for lunch in French Lick, Indiana (I know, long ways for a lunch date!) but it was great fun, and we walked through a street festival while there. One of the booths had cute little hand knit caps and I bought this funky green one "just in case" I need it in the months to come. One of the gals gave me a pretty scarf as well - very cute and thoughtful of her - thank you Stephanie!

It was a good week. I hear from Brittany a couple of times each day. She is very much enjoying her time with Mallory in Kansas City! She is loving the baby (Sophie) that she is nanny for - and absolutely loved going to church the past two evenings! Their church streams live on the web sometimes and I've been able to watch & see Britt crying / smiling and praising :) It does a mama's heart good to see her girl grow closer to God!

I had coffee with a couple of girlfriends on Thursday (thanks Lisa & Marca!) we managed a sugar high with lemon bars and caramel cake! But had a great time catching up and visiting with one another. And I also did some scrapbooking this week. I've started to scrap this journey I'm on . . . it'll be therapeutic I think, and a great way to look back on this time in my life.

Monday and Tuesday this week I will be hanging out with my friends pre-teen daughter. Her usual sitter is on vacation & since my only restrictions are lifting ..... she offered me the opportunity to make a little money. My heart is heavy as I contemplate my ability to continue watching the (1 year old) twin girls as I go through chemo. Best case scenario I will be fatigued. I've just been so healthy all my life, I have a hard time imagining that I may not continue to be strong as I go through this. I need to be responsible and realistic though . . . . so have a lot to think about . . . .

my game plan

Met with the oncologist today and confirmed that I will have the one / two punch of chemo and radiation. That was not a surprise. He called it an aggressive stage 2 cancer (in the right side) due to the lymph node involvement. The left side was clear of cancer and no nodes involved. There were numerous small tumors and they are certain they got it all. Clear margins and chest wall (yeah - whatever that means)

Can you tell I received more information than I can process? At one point (when meeting with a gal about a clinical trial I qualify for) I felt like saying "I see your lips moving but all I hear is blah blah blah!" Sorry, that's just me. I'm not a learner. I only wanna know what I have to know and no need for all the details. Sabrina was there to get all the details (thank you!) and I will process it over time / as need be.

I will have a port put in, so that I don't need to be stuck with needles every time I go to the doctor. This port near my collarbone will allow them to administer the chemo and whatever else, the easiest way possible. Anyway, I'll have that done in the next couple of weeks, then will begin treatment another week or two after that. They want all wounds healed before we start.

I got my last drain out - yaaay! But it hurt like hello! The first three didn't bother me much but this one was still draining some. Apparently it was entwined around my armpit area / where they took lymph nodes .... because as they pulled it out it stung - ouch! It's worth that temporary pain though; I'm glad to be done with it!

I'm sure there is more that I learned today - but I just can't think of it right now. Wanted to get this up and out there as soon as I could so you'll all know what I found out. These are the highlights and I'll add more as it comes to me (or as Sabrina calls to remind me :-)

flowers

I felt bad last night when reviewing my blog .... that I'd not credited my aunt and uncle (Shirley & Phil) for the highlight of my day! They came by in the morning and brought me these beautiful roses.

They smell just as good as they look ..... and it was great to visit with them for awhile. I shared the blessing, and sent Britt down the road with a pink/peach rose as she left for KC.

I've received numerous flower arrangements and wonderful cards, as well as meals from great friends who care. If I have overlooked thanking any of you individually, please accept my words of gratitude now. Your acts of kindness brighten my days!

one week later

Six weeks ago I was planning a graduation celebration.

Three weeks ago we'd just started our 9 day vacation.

One week ago I had a bilateral mastectomy.

Then my mom was here for several days.

Then my friend came for a long weekend.

But today she went home.

And Jeremiah went to work.

And Brittany moved to Kansas City.

My place is quiet, and there is nothing left on my to-do list.

Except to kick cancers butt!

In one of my very early blogs I wrote "there is much to be said for keeping busy!" Well today the busy-ness stopped. The distractions are over. The visitors have gone home. And I am simply here with my new self. And that is a-ok!

I had my meltdown. I expected that. I'll probably even have a couple more. I sort of expect that too.

I went to Champaign this afternoon, rather than sitting at home & having a pity party. I found some scrapbooking bargains at Big Lots. Perhaps I'll start scrapping this journey.

I talked to Britt on my way home, as she is driving to KC. She is incredibly excited, as I am .... for her! She was wearing her pink "Fight Like a Girl" t-shirt when she came over to say goodbye .... and that's exactly what I intend to do. That girl's embarking on an incredible journey and I intend to share in her joy along the way! We will chat regularly on Skype and visit one another often.

I'm lining up some lunch dates for the week ahead, and I have my oncologist appointment on Wednesday. While today was an emotional day .... physically I continue to do well. I stopped taking the Darvocet last night and am only on Motrin now. Have little to no discomfort. As long as I'm not bumped and don't lift or push or pull anything, I'm fine! I can't believe I was still loopy on anesthesia a week ago! I have had an incredibly full and fantastic week!

another great day!

My friend arrived from Elkhart last night. I'd had my rest, and was working on a scrapbook for Mallory's baby shower (which was today). When Beth arrived around 8 she did a double take and asked "excuse me .... you just had surgery?" We had a nice visit and scrapped together until just after 11. Storms were rolling through ~ I love the sound of thunder and rain as I'm falling to sleep.

I was up before 6:30 (that's just how my inner clock works) and had coffee & computer time before Beth awakened. I took my first post-op shower and survived that just fine. Beth was kind enough to blow dry and flat iron my hair, as I can't hold my arms overhead for any length of time. The only glitch I hit was in trying to dress myself (what was I thinking?! ) when I missed one arm hole. Ok, maybe ya had to be here ..... but it was kinda comical when Beth had to fix me!

We went to the baby shower for Mallory (Brittany's lifelong best friend) and had a fantastic time. Everyone was amazed at how well I'm doing. I sort of don't know what to say .... other than God is good!



After the shower we came by home, to let the dogs out and grab a coffee maker that I needed to return. I called Aggie (my step-mom) to see how she's doing (open heart surgery a month ago) and told her we'd come out to say hi. We went out there and I was able to show Beth where I grew up. We had a nice chat with Aggie & her cousin Marilyn before heading to Champaign. Went to Walmart to exchange my coffee maker and get ingredients for tonight's dinner. While there, we ran into Linda Ashworth (Mallory's grandma) who laughed and said "now how do you expect to get even an ounce of sympathy, when you're out and about like this?!" Te he . . . .

By this time though, I was beginning to feel some muscular aching across my chest and my energy level was dwindling. So we headed home, where I got into comfy clothes and hit the couch. Beth prepared Beef and Bean Enchilada's with spanish rice for dinner. It was fantastic! We've rented a movie and will watch that before heading to bed (much earlier than I got there last night!) But it's been a great Saturday ~ hope yours was too.

ahhh... bless'ed relief!

I could not stand the four drain tubes (and bulbs) any longer! Three of them had emitted very little liquid in the past 36 hours, so at 8 a.m. I called to see if I could get them removed. First call I made, hit a dead end. {sigh} But I have learned perseverance and persistence. I made another call (behind the scenes) and then someone called me :-) Hey .... if you've got strings .... pull 'em!

They said sure, I could come in at 11 and have three of them removed. I was elated! But that feeling was quickly followed by nervousness. Was it gonna hurt? I considered my options of getting a ride to town. Jeremiah was sleeping, I could have awakened him. Sabrina was taking pictures of our beautiful daughters. Marca was working her way down her to-do list ..... Aggie was getting her hair done .....

I know! I shall drive myself :D

Shhh... don't tell anybody ('cause I'm not supposed to)

Te he ~ sometimes I just feel like being a little bit naughty.

Now before you yell at me, I assure you, if I think I'd have been a risk to society, I'd never have ventured out! I really and truly, seriously feel completely able to safely drive to and from Champaign. My pain meds are minimal and I was nearing the end of a dosage cycle. So away I went.

It was a creepy feeling having the tubes pulled out. I'll spare ya the details but I'm sure you can imagine. I felt near immediate relief! Like freedom! Yes, I still have one bulb attached, but that is ten times better than the four I previously had! I'd begun to feel a bit like an octopus ..... or a cow with udders dangling .... they were very annoying! Jenny Plunk caught me on my way out of the office (uhhh - whoops) As I smile and hug her and tell her what relief I feel, she asks "did you come alone?" Umm... yep. She laughs and tells me I am amazing!

I grabbed some groceries at Walmart (nothing heavy - no pushing or pulling - c'mon folks ..... I'm not dumb!) LOL and then I head safely home. A two hour round trip of independence today. Woo hoo!

I was a good girl and took a nap this afternoon. It was wonderful to be able to sleep on my side(s) for a change!

and on the third day .....

God said to rest :D

Well, ok ... that's not exactly how the story goes, but that's my rendition. I had another good nights sleep. I awoke around 6:15 and Mother was already up, packing the last of her items and stripping my guest bed of its sheets. We had toast, coffee and good conversation, before she headed out for a long days drive. I actually put the sheets in to wash and dry (don't tell!) but then just played on the computer and was lazy until Jeremiah got up around 9. We had a great visit too, and Jordan came over a little later. They put sheets back on the guest bed for me, so it's ready for my girlfriend who's coming in tomorrow - and I did a little more laundry. It was just a wonderful, quiet, lazy sort of day. I napped from 2-3 and Jeremiah went to work at 4:00. I strolled out to the mailbox while he got on his motorcycle to go to work - it was a beautiful sunny day here. A little later, Britt brought me a DQ Blizzard :) thanks Britt! And we chatted about her moving to Kansas City on Monday. Can't hardly believe that date is approaching so quickly, but it's exciting!

I'm feeling good. Physically / emotionally / good! I took off the super-tight velcro corset they had me wrapped in, and washed it. It felt good to be able to breath a little more deeply today. I'll put it back on tonight, to contain these drain lines. Just wanted to reassure you all that I didn't overdo it yesterday and that I behaved myself (semi-unsupervised) today. I do not take this blessing for granted. I know that I'm doing amazingly well and I thank God for that!

setting the standard

ok, so I guess I'm setting the mark pretty high for recovery from mastectomy surgery. And I promise I'm not heavily medicated! This is the real deal. I'm just doing as much as I feel up to doing .... and I've felt pretty darn good today!

I was up by six this morning. Slept pretty well last night. I've got the four drains with bulbs attached, so I can't exactly lay on my side or roll over as I'd like, but apparently I was comfortable enough to sleep most of the night. We had a quiet morning at home, I fixed biscuits for breakfast and cleaned myself up a bit to go to town later. I decided last night, to master the task of emptying the drain bulbs myself and I've done pretty well with that. Mother has stripped the lines as necessary to keep them flowing the way they need to.

Not having washed my hair for several days, I was really wanting to get that done and my mom wanted her toes polished :) I needed to run by the bank, so we left for our errands around 11. Went through the bank drive thru and then to the Regency salon in Champaign. After an hour there, we had fresh hair and fresh toes & were good to go. We then went to the mall and had a good lunch at Panda Express. I sat in the food court while Mother went into Macy's for a pair of slacks. From there we headed to Hobby Lobby, to pick up a picture frame that Brittany had requested. We dropped that off where Britt works (watching the kids - her last day) and then headed home. My dad came by this afternoon and shortly after that I had a flower delivery - very nice! Jordan (jeremiah's girlfriend) and her mom came by later and we had a very nice visit with them!

Jeremiah had asked we come over this evening when he was on break .... so we went to Farmer City and had dinner at Quizno's. For some reason we thought we needed dessert and went from there to Vito's for ice cream before heading home!

Mother goes home tomorrow and I will rest. I promise.
Well ... actually jeremiah will help me do laundry but we're not telling anyone (shhhh.... )

I'm home ~

approximately 24 hours after being wheeled out of surgery, I was wheeled out of the hospital! And oh, what an experience that was. A crazy-good experience I mean. Really .... unbelievable! I have SO much love and support in my life - wow!

So my mom takes me to Carle at 6:15 on Monday morning. I was taken back to the prep room fairly quickly and she joined me soon after. We waited for the IV to be hooked up, and then the sentinel node dye to be injected. Within the next hour, my dad and PJ were there, and Sabrina came along shortly after them. Following her was Britt and Mallory (with Mallory's oh-so- cute pregnant belly!). My cousins wife Cindy Stiger came by to visit, she is a bc survivor of 19 years! Joy Johnson was working and stopped in to say hello to the gang, as did Linda Figueroa and her mom! (It was hard for people to pass on by with all of the laughter & fun conversation gong on in there!) I really hated to leave the party, when they finally called me to the o.r. around 10.

I guess they all found something to do for the next few hours .... as I was occupied until at least 2 pm! When I began to awaken, I felt like I'd been hit by a mac truck. It was difficult for me to talk - my tongue felt so thick and I could not articulate my words - LOL. Surrounded by all of these kind, caring people, I felt nothing but grateful! Really and truly, I am blessed! There are people who don't have people ..... and I do. I don't take that for granted.

Mostly I was TIRED last night! I ate a little bit of macaroni and cheese, drank some water and tried to stay awake. My visitors dispersed a few at a time and finally I was alone around 8 pm. I slept surprisingly well until nurses came in to check on me around 1:30, then I slept well again until 5. My mom was there by 7 this morning and I had a good breakfast. The surgeon came in to check on me and explained that all went well yesterday. The right breast did have lymph node involvement, so nodes were removed and that side was treated a little more aggressively than the left. My dad came by mid-morning and then my friends Marca and Barbie came in to say hi. While they were there, Jenny Plunk payed me a visit as well.

I took a little walk down the hall and apparently was doing too well for them to keep me any longer :( I'm one of those odd people who'd like to stay at the hospital another day. Being waited on, ordering food at will, having visitors, etc.... I really enjoyed it & would rather have come home tomorrow. No medical reason to keep me though, which I guess I should be grateful for! So I had some lunch, took another pain pill, packed up my goods and headed home around 2:00 (same time I was coming out of surgery yesterday) Like I said, it's all an adventure and that's one more chapter in my book.

almost time ....

I finally began to get a little nervous today. But I've kept busy and that has been helpful! The last few days have been filled with enough activities to keep my mind occupied and enough housework to keep my hands busy. Lots of laundry, guest room cleaning, grocery buying, etc. Oh ..... and I got my toes done for the big occasion :-)

My mom arrived about 4 this afternoon and we spent all evening talking, laughing (and a little crying, over Jeremiah's graduation dvd) but had a really nice time! I fixed our favorite meatloaf for dinner and sorted vacation pictures to put in an album I'll take to the hospital with me. I received numerous phone calls, text messages, emails and facebook posts this evening! To say I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love, care and concern for me would be an understatement!

Thank you all very much for making me feel so special. The feeling is mutual and I appreciate your kindness!

Tomorrow is just another page in this adventure I call my life.
God will bless and care for me as he always has.

I'll be back here before ya know it .....

I got the call ....

a day early! I got the call last evening, telling me to report to the hospital at 7 a.m. on Monday. I can do that :)

As I think I explained previously, once admitted, I will be injected with a (low dose) radioactive dye and will have to sit and wait for three hours. Then surgery shall begin and that is estimated to take another 3 hours.

Today is my last day to watch Addison and Mikaela for three weeks. Hopefully I can go visit them soon and hopefully they won't grow and change too much while I'm away (though Mikaela is on the verge of walking!) I am so grateful that their grandma from FL can come spend some time with them, and thankful their mom & dad are so understanding of my situation - thanks Denise & Andy!

One more grocery run after work today and then I think I'm set. This evening and weekend shall be spent tidying up the apt. in prep for my moms arrival on Sunday & my friend Beth's after that. Tomorrow morning I have coffee with Sabrina and get to see Mallory's expanding (expectant) belly :) Otherwise it'll be the same ol' same ol' ..... spending time on the computer and with my kids whenever they're around. Trying not to get nervous although this is all foreign territory for me. I told someone yesterday "oh well, I look at it as an adventure!" And that is true.

I will try to keep this up to date. I might have Brittany log on and report in. Hopefully I won't be completely 'out of it' for very long! Enjoy a fabulous weekend ~

update ...

Went in this morning for my pre-op registration and physical. Spoke with the surgeons nurse beforehand and she explained some things about the surgery, my hospital stay and after care.

I will not know until Friday afternoon, what time surgery will be on Monday. I will be there more than three hours before the surgery though, for injection of Sentinel Node dye. Hmm... I found a good website explaining that procedure and why they do it, but can't get it to link here :( sorry. Google it if you're curious :)

Anyway, once I'm admitted and sign a myriad of papers, they'll inject this dye and then I'll have three hours to wait. Tic tock .... tic tock ....

Surgery itself is estimated to take three and a half hours. Oh joy. Actually, by the sounds of the growing list of those attending, I may be missing quite a party in the waiting room!

I think that's it for today - hopefully I'll be back here on Friday to update again.

home ~

After nine days on my favorite island .... it's back home to IL and back to reality today {sigh}

Brittany snapped this picture of me while having my coffee on the beach one morning & I love it. Peaceful serenity. I never wanted to get up and go inside! And I didn't particularly want to leave the island today (ha - as if I ever do!) But that's what makes vacations special; they don't last forever.

We had a fantastic time though! Some days were busy, others were laid back and relaxed. Each day held plenty of sunshine and we were out in it, every chance that we had! Soaked up the sun, swam in the pool, played in the gulf and ate way too much good food (not to mention the milkshakes EVERY night!) It was fun to watch the kids enjoy one another's company all week! Randy (as always) was a generous host and we all had such a great time with him. We laughed so much! And hey - Proverbs 17:22 says that "laughter is good like medicine" :)

I got my pre-op phone calls while down there and answered what seemed like 100 questions for them. I have a pre-op physical scheduled for Wednesday and on Friday they'll call to tell me what time surgery will be next Monday. But for now I finish unpacking ... shake the sand out of my suitcase and do a bit of laundry. I am anxious to see the twins tomorrow and hope they smile and remember me!